Headaches, Heartaches, and Hot Pants
Overwhelming headaches have been my battle from about 2 pm yesterday through tonight. Thus, adding more proof that my body was/is addicted to caffeine. This is a very good motivator to continue on this challenge.
I am interested in two things from my two days of self- reflective analysis, temptations, and musings. One being why so many women feel the need to explain their own journey to me mostly mixed with the "should have" shame monster eating away at their varying levels of self-confidence. Is there anything I do or say to join them in killing their own demons of insecurities? I am trying to kill mine, one hour at a time, one carrot instead of chip at a time, one choice to forgive myself and others at a time, and one decision at a time.
Secondly, why are decisions to change so emotional? There is an emotional connection within our culture to food from the time we are young, yet I am unsure if the relationship is proper. Humanity removed itself so far from the processes surrounding food, that everything that pleases us is literally a 24 hour drive thru (or in my case--a gluten free section Walmart run) away. The natural growth of the world from which we gain our ability to live remains foreign from our daily understanding. Why do we have sweets on birthday's, parties, special events, and in other cultures they roast a pig? My emotions have been a light switch flickering from heartaches to heroic dance moves in my car...mostly while stopped, of course.
I know desiring and deciding to change is hard because I have previously been deprived of so much of life's expected pleasures. In response, I want to feel better by having the food that I want, when I want it. Re-reading the conclusion of the previous sentence reminds me more of the rantings of a two year old than a grown women.
I see the opportunity for growth, more like the earth's cycle. There is a planting season according to your heat or cold tolerance, a growth period, then a producing period. I have been wanting to change and take my life back in all areas. This is another season to plant something new. In my own internal garden the cold weather plants are almost ready to produce, and soon I will be able to enjoy the juicy fruits of summer, once the ground warms and I can finally plant my hot plants...and put on hot pants.... :-)
What do you think?
I am interested in two things from my two days of self- reflective analysis, temptations, and musings. One being why so many women feel the need to explain their own journey to me mostly mixed with the "should have" shame monster eating away at their varying levels of self-confidence. Is there anything I do or say to join them in killing their own demons of insecurities? I am trying to kill mine, one hour at a time, one carrot instead of chip at a time, one choice to forgive myself and others at a time, and one decision at a time.
Secondly, why are decisions to change so emotional? There is an emotional connection within our culture to food from the time we are young, yet I am unsure if the relationship is proper. Humanity removed itself so far from the processes surrounding food, that everything that pleases us is literally a 24 hour drive thru (or in my case--a gluten free section Walmart run) away. The natural growth of the world from which we gain our ability to live remains foreign from our daily understanding. Why do we have sweets on birthday's, parties, special events, and in other cultures they roast a pig? My emotions have been a light switch flickering from heartaches to heroic dance moves in my car...mostly while stopped, of course.
I know desiring and deciding to change is hard because I have previously been deprived of so much of life's expected pleasures. In response, I want to feel better by having the food that I want, when I want it. Re-reading the conclusion of the previous sentence reminds me more of the rantings of a two year old than a grown women.
I see the opportunity for growth, more like the earth's cycle. There is a planting season according to your heat or cold tolerance, a growth period, then a producing period. I have been wanting to change and take my life back in all areas. This is another season to plant something new. In my own internal garden the cold weather plants are almost ready to produce, and soon I will be able to enjoy the juicy fruits of summer, once the ground warms and I can finally plant my hot plants...and put on hot pants.... :-)
What do you think?
Why is it always hardest to do the right thing? Even Adam and Eve had to choose!
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